“The Publisher Plot” / Memorable Fancies #2291

A publisher phones you. He says he’s been contacted by a writer (he won’t say who) who’s proposed writing a book about you, about all your sins, your various marriages, your hidden affairs, your failed children, your underhanded dealings with everyone from your first-grade teacher on, your breaches of faith and Federal laws that have persisted until this very day.

The publisher tells you he’s going to pay the writer $5000 to write this book … or $100,000 just to shut up. Of course, the publisher says, the $5000 would come out of his own pocket, while the $100,000 would come from – you. He waits for your answer.

But, you think, the writer must not have told the publisher everything he knows about you, just a few unsavory hints. He must not have told the publisher that you know dark men with guns, who are available for a lot less than $100,000, who forget who paid them to solve problems for you. Problems like publishers.


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