“Wanted: You!” / Memorable Fancies #2096

[full text of an actual piece of junk mail:]

“Your skills and experience working as a JOBTITLE make you a great candidate for this new job at LOCATION. Take a look! – Ashley W.”

[and three possible responses:]

Dear Ashley: I’m your guy! I’ve had lots of different JOBTITLES in my brief careers. I think I could be a great candidate for a job at any LOCATION so long as it’s not around here where they know me. Sincerely, …

Attention Ashley: How did you find out about me? How did you know I’m a JOBTITLE (classified) for a top secret organization here at LOCATION  (classified). “Take a look!” indeed – I’ve caught lots of spies like you. Our agents are already approaching and you have no escape. [signed] NAME REDACTED

Dear Ashley: Cut the crap, Babe! I know your kind. Any guy with a JOBTITLE who might fall head over heels will do while you hang around at LOCATIONS telling other guys to Take A Look! while your old man’s sittin’ at home with just a goddam bottle to keep him company. You sound just like my ex-wives. Yours faithfully, John

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