Well, the rumor spread that a troop a’ zombies had attacked a blood bank somewhere outta town, and so wouldn’t ya know it, everbody got real upset and started runnin’ around and the hardware stores was sellin’ outta axes and especially them big long-handled hammers, and o’course sportin’ goods stores was really stripped within a coupla days, like crossbows by people who thought it’d be real easy to kill zombies with ’em since they’d saw that on TV where they never miss a shot, but I’ll bet you can guess how that turned out since it ain’t easy to use a crossbow and so a lotta bow people got turned into zombies theirselves, and so then there were zombies shamblin’ around hangin’ onto crossbows and didn’t know how to use ’em any more’n when they was alive, but we can be thankful for that last thang because they might a’ started shootin’ at live people like me.
Well, my half-brother Johnny and I went over to the sheriff’s office to volunteer as deppaties, but Sheriff Johnson was actin’ kinda funny when we was walkin’ in and then he went for my neck so I guessed he wouldn’t be interested in makin’ us deppaties right then.
So we was thinkin’ we’d best just light outta town and git up in the hills and hide, jest when FEMA roared into town with their tanks and machine guns and started shootin’ anybody who’d just might turn into zombies which means just about everbody and so Johnny and I did git in my old F150 and head for the hills as led-footed as we could go.
Sure ’nough, there waren’t any people out there in the hollers anymore and I thought we’d be real safe if we could jest find enough to eat, but when I saw a squirrel and went after it, it jest turned towards me and showed its teeth and all them other squirrels came and joint the first one in a big pack and lumbered toward us open-mouthed and showin’ their teeth too. We was faster than them but they was alotta ’em comin’ at us and so they got Johnny and I’m up in a tree myself now and the damn squirrels is gnawin’ their way up the tree trunk and Johnny’s doin’ that too so this is probly the last you’ll hear from me except for a few ARRRGHHs! So goodbye for now and I’ll be seein’ ya, so watch out!
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