“Mind-Changers – III: Reducing Corporate HR Expense” / Memorable Fancies #1040

[The future: Transplanting minds from one living person to another is now possible. ]

     Almost immediately, large corporations saw an opportunity to improve their career-development programs without incurring substantial additional expense.

     “Now,” FlexiCorp CEO Julius Carruthers told an inquiring reporter from Business Week, “we can promote the minds of promising young men. And women,” he added hastily, “from their present lower-salaried bodies into higher-salaried bodies without giving them the higher salaries, because salaries are pegged to minds. This immediately improves the productivity of some our less-capable department heads.

     The reporter looked puzzled.

     “You see,” said Carruthers, “we pay senior staff bodies quite a large salary, and we feel we’re entitled to move the best minds we can find into these bodies. The beauty is, the newly promoted minds are given an automatic 10% salary increase, but that is well below the salaries previously earned by their new bodies.”

     “Ah,” said the reporter. “I … see. But what happens to the minds of the senior people who’ve been forced out of their bodies?”

     “I’m glad you asked me that,” said the beaming CEO. “We recoup most of the expenses of the mind-transplant process by selling the now-redundant minds to small businesses, enterprises who are glad to get our castoffs.”

     “That’s a brilliant HR plan,” enthused the reporter, “Our readers will love to read about it. But – the bodies of the promising young men. And women,” he added quickly, “and LGBTQAs, whatever: the bodies they’ve given up to move into higher management in different bodies – what happens to their original bodies?”

     Carruthers smiled, preparing to regale the reporter with news of yet another profitable FlexiCorp sideline, something about sausages.

<END>

THE PITCH

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        See you tomorrow! Whatever happens here, you won’t be expecting it.

Malice-cover

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