“Asylum – VIII: Naming Rights at the Asylum” / A Memorable Fancy #357

[Continuing the journal of Diane McMurphy, a patient in Bad Shepherd mental hospital, “The Asylum”]

     Doctor Wolfe has found yet another way to profit from our predicament: naming rights. I hear he was turned down by the Board on a proposal to rename the entire hospital in exchange for a fifty-million-dollar gift from the Crazy Glue Company, but he got the Board’s approval to rename individual wards, “and so on.” The scope of “and so on” was, perhaps unfortunately, left to him. Immediately, Doctor announced Pledge Week, and found a public radio station willing to thon for this compelling cause.

     By the following week the wards were gradually being rebadged, as the thon thundered on. Wards A through F have already acquired grand new donor names, including the old Ward A, now “Weyland-Yutani Corporation Ward. Ward B is now “Allcom Inc. Ward,” and so on. I heard that the furniture’s turn is next.

     There is a traditional phlegmatic debate here in Ward H, dating from long before my time, as to whether our “H” stands for “Heaven” or “Hell.” But maybe now it will stand for “Halliburton” and we’ll all be filthy rich and oleaginous.

[to be continued …]

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