Posts Tagged ‘junk email’

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316: God Wants To Make You Rich

23 November, 2011

[Another piece of junk email; verbatim, but shortened.]

I am writing to seek your cooperation over this, please due welcome this letter

My dear beloved,

In face of my predicament, I want you to know that I have gone through hell to seek for a good person to help me but all I keep getting is betrayers who want to reap where they did not sow but God has directed me to contact you and my spirit is at rest as I am writing this letter to you and that is very much convincing and I hope you will be of good help to me. ….

My name is Mrs.Halim Hossain, am suffering from a slow killing poison that was given to me by my late husband’s half brother because of an inheritance of US$10.5 Million left for me and my son by my late husband, my late husband’s half brother was my late husband’s business partner, it was like a family business before their last oil deal of 10.5million, he become so greedy that he poisoned my husband on a diner business party they went in London and when he found out that my husband made me his next of kin on the money, he now gave me a slow killing poison so that when I die he will use my son to claim the money from the bank maybe after claiming the money he will also kill my son. What a greedy and deadly person, he is doing this to me and my family that loved and welcomed him like one of us, the world is wicked.

[This is worth a soap opera, all by itself, or perhaps the plot of next year's Damages TV series.]
….
Hope to hear from you soon

God bless you

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286: “Amorous fails” – more sex junkmail

4 October, 2011

[this month's catch, verbatim but excerpted:]

Avoid bed-loser’s fate: Get shocked with length increase

Liquidate man’s main problem: Harddrill her today!

Drive her wild! Gigantic tool in 5 secs!

Driling her until exhaustion?Easy, if you have a pack of this male vitamin!

Want more carnal victories? This natural blend can sure make your rocket start every night!

With this you’ll easily find approach to every female you want. Say goodbye to amorous fails!

Let your zip feel tension: Be the macho-perfecto!

Shut her tiny hole: You can cry because of your weak and limp rod, or you can purchase this solution.

Watch her come over and over  Hi sweety

More moans, more peaks: Man’s charm is hardness

 

<END>

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217: “No Trust” Indeed! – “Nigerian” Junk Email VII

8 April, 2011

[The following junk email is reproduced verbatim, but shortened.]

“My name is Mrs. Taiba OUDIQUA, and I am a banker. It is true that we have not met each others in person, but I strongly believe that no trust, no friendship in every business.” [The email continues with the usual inveiglements.]

<END>

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210: Self-Inflicted Racism; “Nigerian” Junk Email VI

8 April, 2011

(The following junk email is reproduced verbatim, but shortened at “…”)

“Dear Friend, …

“It is my sincere pleasure at this moment to exhibit my total trust bestowed on you in accordance to my Proposed partnership relationship with you of which I am fully convinced that you will really welcome my partnership with you in this transaction Being very sceptically about dealing with Africans in such transaction, Ranging from the height of fraudulent activities encompassing the African communities. Now it is my Godly nursed intention to prove myself to you that I am very much different from others which you must have come across.

“I hereby attested my accepted conclusion to take upon my gentle self and to join hands together to cover any unforeseen expenses that may be involved here till the Final Transfer of the Funds to our Correspondent Bank before its Final remittance into your Nominated Bank Account.

“This is to convince you of my spirited acceptance to have you as a confidant in a business of this magnitude knowing that you will not turn me down come-what-may, regarding this Claim/Transfer to boost my planned establishment of a funding Company out of Africa. …

“I look forward for your immediately Positive responds through this Email Address:  …”

<END>

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206: “Way Hey Blow the Man Down!” / Up?

4 March, 2011

Another sex junk email received recently, verbatim but shortened:

 

“[from] Thersa Lanora Feb 21 (11 days ago)

“Truth About Penis Enhancing Pills Now!

. . . .

“If you’re one of the millions of men with a little penis then you’ve come to the proper place. I’m travelling to state you how to make your penis permanently longer and thicker.

. . . .

“Get got down TODAY with no holding off. See results in as little as 7 weeks Guaranteed

“Click here now to learn how to blow up your penis

http://bigsize%5Bredacted%5D.ru&#8221;

<END>

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196: Today’s Scam: United Nations Giving Money to Americans

30 December, 2010

[[The following, from a spam email, is verbatim but abridged. It is certainly an original idea to give money to people in rich countries to help people in poor countries. But if everything else has been tried ....]]

From: Mr Ban Ki-moon

Malaysia Government Accredited Licensed Promoters!
United Nations Trust Fund
Malaysia Department of Humanitarian Affairs
Wangsa Maju 10, Jalan 1/27B, Sek 1
Bandar Baru Wangsa Maju
53300 Kuala Lumpur Malaysia

Congratulations Beneficiary,

your email has been selected by the United Nations(UN) for a cash grant award of Six Hundred And Fifty Thousand Five hundred United State Dollar,($650,500.00 usd). The united nations authorities has decided to give this award to 15 beneficiaries from all over the world to help facilitate and improve the standard of living to the Commission on the Limits of the Continental Shelf for developing States, in particular the least developed countries and small island developing States, and compliance with article 76 of the United Nations Convention on the Law of the Sea.This grant is been aided by the United Nations development programme and the united nations trust funds for human security.

Do contact our payment office immediately with the informations below.
1.FULL NAMES OF DONATION BENEFICIARY:………………
2.RESIDENTIAL ADDRESS:……………………
3.DATE AND PLACE OF BIRTH:…………………….
4.WINNING EMAIL:………………………
5.PHONE/FAX NUMBERS:……………………….
6.NAME AND ADDRESS OF NEXT OF KIN:…………..
7.SEX:………………..
8.OCCUPATION:……………….
9.MARITAL STATUS:………………
10.COUNTRY:………………
11NATIONALITY:……….

Regards,
Mr Ban Ki-moon.
(UNITED NATIONS SECRETARY GENERAL
MALAYSIA GAMING HOUSE

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82: “Pierced him with seventy propositions”: Sex Junk Emails – II

17 March, 2009

Prolongeed erectionn Click HERE

=====

A comfortable night except for his old enemy, abe protested. i ain’t said no abuse to the feller for joy, as i thought that one of my comrades wearily to his feet. All right, abe, he said. is the colouring. The interesting thing is.

=====

Hullo! My penis is not only longer and wider, but with a higher level of confidence I feel like a new manster python? That s what I ask myself now.

=====

New Orgasm Enhanceer

Of mighty arms, that three maidens, all unrivalled case that no single specimen was ever seen in displeasure against that leading step of defection, you think so.

=====

Be not afraid to vary and change the life, after all all becomes to the best

=====

Chin-chin!

=====

Negroes admire with the of the size – we will surpass them!

Hullo! Now that I ve tried Dr MaxMan, pulling down my pants is no longer my biggest worry. Will she be able to handle this my monster python? That s what I ask myself now.

=====

Chineses suffer from quantity, we enjoy quality

Ciao!

=====

New Orgasm Enhanccer

And, marking time with her flat foot, she chanted poison.and vivinsati, pierced him with seventy propositions and discussions of the day previous told me. We passed a house in process of building, is sent, not at home, when they are only too lazy.

=====

Be not afraid to vary and change the life, after all all becomes to the best

=====

Look air he appealed to heaven to witness that he was.

<END>

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58: Award: Most Egregious ‘Nigerian Email’ Scam

6 January, 2009

goes to the following. Not content with the usual BS, this one, supposedly from the FBI Director, also inculpates the World Bank.

RE: BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION (FBI)

Tuesday, December 2, 2008 4:08 AM

From:

Anti Terrorist & Monitory Crime Division

Attention: fund beneficiary,

This is an official advice from the FBI Foreign Remittance Telegraphic Dept. It has come to our notice that the HSBC Bank Liverpool district district, has released 49,500,000.00 U.S. dollars into your account here in the United States of America, by ATM means. The Central Bank of Nigeria knowing fully well that they do not have enough facilities to effect this payment from United Kingdom to your account, used what is known as a secret diplomatic transit payment S.T.D.P. to pay this fund through ATM ,they used this means to complete the payment, and instead of paying 49.5 million, they paid $8,300,000.00.

They are still, waiting for confirmation from you on the already transferred funds which was converted to ATM so that they can do final crediting to your account. Secret diplomatic payments are not made unless the funds are related to terrorist activities why must your payment be made in secret transfer, if your transaction is legitimate, if you are not a terrorist, then why did you not receive the money directly into your account; this is a pure coded, means of payment? Records which we have had with this method of payment in the past has always been related to terrorist acts, we do not want you to get into trouble as soon as these funds reflect in your account in the U.S.A., so it is our duty as a word wide commission to correct this little problem before this fund is delivered.

Due to the increased difficulty and unnecessary scrutiny by the American authorities when funds come from outside of Europe, and the Middle East, the F.B.I Bank Comission for Europe has stopped the transfer on its way to deliver payment of $8,300, 000.00 to debit your reserve account and pay you through a secured diplomatic transit account (S.D.T.A.). We govern and oversee funds transfer for the World Bank and the rest of the world.

We advice you contact us immediately, as the funds have been stopped and are being held in our office here , until you can be able to provide us, (with the encoded F.B.I. order for transfer),we advice you present us with a diplomatic immunity seal of transfer within 3 days  from the bank where the funds were transferred from for us to certify that the funds that you are about to receive from Nigeria are antiterrorist / drug free or we shall have cause to cross and impound the name we have on the fund as the rightful beneficiary is your name that is why we have decided to contact you directly to acquire the proper verifications and proof from you to show that you are the rightful person to receive this fund, because the above mentioned amount is a big amount of money, that is why we want to make sure is a clear and legal money you are about to receive. Be informed that the fund have hit your account, but right now we have ask the bank not to release the fund to anybody that comes to them , unless so to this regards you are to reassure and prove to us that what you are about to receive is a clean money by sending to us FBI identification record and also certificate of ownership to satisfy to us that the money your about to receive is real money. You are to forward the documents to us immediately if you have it with in your possession, if you don’t have it let us know so that we will direct and inform you where to obtain the document and send to us so that we will ask the bank holding the funds the Bank of America to go ahead crediting your account immediately. This documents are to be issued to you from the place where the fund was transfer from, so get back to us immediately if you don’t have the document so that we will inform you the particular place and what it will takes to obtain it in Federal Republic of Nigeria, because we have come to realize that the fund is transferred from the Federal Republic of Nigeria.

Guarantee: funds will be released on confirmation of the document: documented proof of ownership.

Final instruction: 60f credit payment instruction: irrevocable credit guarantee

61e beneficiary has full power when validation is cleared

62 beneficiaries bank in U.S.A., can only release funds upon confirmation from the World Bank / United Nations.

64 bearers must clear bank protocol and validation request.

Note: we have asked for the above documents to make available the most complete and up-to date records possible for the enhancement of public safety, welfare and security of society while recognizing the importance of individual privacy rights. If you fail to provide the documents to us, we will charge you with the FBI and take our proper action against you for not proofing to us the legitimate of the fund you are about to receive.

The United States Department of Justice order 556-73 establishes rules and regulations for the subject of an FBI identification record to obtain a copy of his or her own record for review.

Regards

Robert S Mueller

Director FBI Washington

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48: “The Fraud Stars” — a junk email

19 November, 2008

The following appeared in my inbox today, and probably in several million others as well:

Welcome  to Western Union
Send Money Worldwide
Address; St, Peter & PaulRoad Cotonou Benin Rep.
Attention Beneficiary ,

The Board of Federal Ministry of Finance Benin Republic are hereby to notify you of your payment inherited funds  after the meeting held on 18th of July 2008.  His  Excellence the PRESIDENT OF FEDERAL REPUBLIC OF BENIN  has Instructed this Department to send your funds through western union money transfer for easy receiveing of your inherinted funds without any further delay to avoid paying money to the fraud stars that is going on through Courier Company and fake bank in africa. Because we know that some bank and Courier Company have fall you in nigeria and other part of Africa. but is not going to happen again as long as you are going follow up the instruction.

[It goes on to the expected conclusion.]


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19: “The blue umbrella has been composed”: Found Poem – II

24 July, 2008

The following arrived in spam email. Here it is, unaltered except for the addition of some line breaks:

“The practick part, he ought besides the keeping that had saved

he is my friend, then,

said he was not the little reserve which he exhibited

then fight with the sons of pandu,

what reverses a wonderful facial ugliness.

He had, however, been trading with Indians.

The expedition was of such a fate,

that fierce bowman shooting came from behind the palms.

No I was to wait for not unknown to thee.

Do thou, however, instruct as the last fire company passed,

the blue umbrella has been composed.

Thou art he whose dancing it is not good to live long in one place.

Therefore.”

[end]

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