362: Strange-ing: A Form of Meditation

Concentrate on a thought, a word, an idea, a place long enough and it begins to seem strange – no longer something you take for granted as part of your routine life. More mysterious. Preposterously arbitrary. You see it anew. It appears confusing – irrational. Why this and not that?

“Baseball,” for instance. Why “bases”? What are they the base of? Baseball is bases and balls. And also bats. Why not Ballbat? “Baseball” was originally “base ball.” How many ideas have we clumped together so that we never think of how they were built? To ‘un-clump’ them is a way of strange-ing your mind.

For instance:

any body

some body

no body

every body

touch down

for give

living room

pan cake

grand stand

Sun day

common wealth

to morrow

slip shod

And so on. It sounds trivial, but “strange-ing” is an exercise that can separate you from the everyday world, put you in an attitude of wonder and questioning.

“Every thing solid seems to melt into air.” – Some thing like that.

See: “Beginner’s Mind” (Shoshin – from the Zen tradition)

355: “Your mind makes it real” : Morpheus

Kant held that the mind understands the raw experience of the world by imposing categories of space, time, and causality, the “synthetic a priori.”

Kant wrote that there were, however, other categories than these three. The others have been pretty much ignored over the centuries.

The category I propose to resuscitate is that part of the category of “relation,” called “reciprocal effect” (or “community.”) Most philosophers have subsumed “reciprocal effect” under cause and effect, and paid no further attention. Our understanding of cause and effect, however, is one-way only, whatever the underlying reality may be. I suggest that “reciprocal effect” in Kant’s terms corresponds well to the modern concept of “system”: interacting parts with mutual causality.

This raises the question of “what’s a ‘part’”? Are there parts within parts? How can a part be contained in more than one system? Can two systems overlap? What is the logical status of the area of overlap? And so on.

A conference paper I presented a few years ago in China, based on current research in mereology and graph theory, explores these questions. An extended abstract (14pp) was published in the Proceedings on CD, but was not included in the online Proceedings. A brief abstract is available online, and is also reproduced below.

Ref: “A Systems Ontology” (abstract), Proceedings, 42nd Annual Conference of the International Society for the Systems Sciences, Shanghai, 2002. http://www.isss.org/2002meet/abstracts

/abstracts1.htm

2002-018 ASO: A SYSTEMS ONTOLOGY
Terence Kuch, Arlington, Virginia 22203 USA
This paper develops a ‘systems ontology’ in the sense described by von Bertalanffy (1969, pp. xix-xxii), and defines theoretical rules and executable algorithms for distinguishing a ‘system’ from whatever is not a ‘system’. Based in philosophy, the argument is developed primarily from the writings of Russell, Bradley, and Wittgenstein on internal and external relations, and also from recent trends in mereology and mereotopology (Casati and Varzi, Simons, D. Lewis). ‘System’ is defined at three levels of increasing complexity: static, dynamic or functional, and purposive. Static systems are those to which change is not relevant. It turns out that two quantifiable measures are sufficient to identify a static system: individuation and cohesiveness. At the static level, a rigorous procedure is developed which allows all systems, and only systems, to be identified in a graph of arbitrary complexity. In a dynamic (functional) system, at least one element has an effect on another, e.g., passing data or commands, passing a stream of atoms or photons, etc., that has at least the potential of resulting in some change (in?formation) in the target element. The analysis of dynamic systems is concerned with how characteristics and identities of systems are preserved or modified as these systems change and interact with other systems. At the purposive level, the logical relation of function to purpose is analyzed, and is found to be highly complex. Some of the questions at the various levels for which answers are offered include: Can every aggregation (for example, a heap of rocks) be considered a system under some description? What kind of changes can occur and still leave a system ‘the same system’? Are there ‘stronger’ and ‘weaker’ relations? How are ‘relations’ to be counted? If a system can be viewed as a populated structure, how do we analyze partially populated structures? Can there be two portions of a dynamic system that do not exist at the same time? Must a system have a function? a purpose? (How) can one count the number of purposes a system may have? Is a purpose of a system (assuming it has a purpose) determinable by examination of that system alone? (How) is the purpose of a system subject to change, even when the system itself has not changed? The paper ends with suggested applications of the ASO approach to real-world social and economic systems.

<END>

340: Passwords That Can Be Seen by Others

Any frequent Internet user knows that different sites have different rules for construction of passwords: must include a special character, or must not; case-sensitive or not; minimum six characters, minimum eight, etc. etc. Therefore you can’t use the same password for all systems; and you shouldn’t do that, anyway.

The result is that by now I have some two hundred different combinations of logons and passwords. I have a piece of software that remembers my passwords (but won’t tell me what they are, if I forget). But that could be hacked. I could alternatively create a .doc of all my passwords and encrypt it. But then I’d need to decrypt it every time I needed to recall a password. Not only would that be cumbersome, but while in a decrypted state the file could be hacked. For all these reasons, I keep a written list. But how to keep the list secure?

Absent buying a safe, or disguising the list as a potted plant, there’s an effective way to keep your passwords in plain view and they’ll still be secure:

1. Think up a “key password.” This will be alphanumeric only, something not obvious (not your name, address, wife’s name, cat’s name, make of car, etc. – and especially not the word “password”!). This will be the first part of every password you use, so be sure you can memorize it.

2. Whenever a site asks you to select a new password, enter your key password and then some additional characters – perhaps seven or eight of them, if allowed by the site.

3. Write down these additional characters on a list you can keep handy.

4. Your password for that site will then be your ‘key password’ followed by the additional characters unique to that site.

5. Therefore, you need only remember the key password; if the additional characters appear on a list, or even on a sticky note on your monitor, your actual (complete) password will still be secure.

<END>

330: Sorcerer’s Apprentice?

Sorcerer’s Apprentice? The day the Kindle Fire came out, I started a new Amazon discussion titled “Kindle Fire No 3G?” As of this morning, January 22, 2012, my innocent question had attracted 146,000 posts (Google hits). –the apprentice couldn’t turn his off, either. (As of March 5, the number of hits had shrunk to just over 70,000).

329: (writer’s promo-bio – revised)

Goodreads asked for a bio, so I thought I’d post it here, too.

Terence Kuch’s techno-thriller novel The Seventh Effect was published in 2011 by Melange Books, and is available in paperback and Kindle from Amazon. His second novel, a sci-fi murder mystery titled See/Saw, is scheduled for publication in May, 2012. His psychological horror, sci-fi, and literary stories, published in the US, UK, Canada, Australia, and Malaysia, are widely accessible via Google. He is a member of the editorial teams of Fickle Muses and Z-composition e-zines. He lives in Falls Church, Virginia, with a wife and too many cats.

324: This Bud’s for You, Bud. Merry Christmas !

from the Washington Post crime report, 5 January 2012:

“Assaults, Cimarron Dr., 6600 block, 7 a.m., Dec. 25. A man assaulted a 25-year-old acquaintance with a beer bottle during a card game at a residence. A 35-year-old Springfield man was charged with malicious wounding and obstruction of justice.”

Maybe it was a Bud Light. Then it wouldn’t have hurt so much.

316: God Wants To Make You Rich

[Another piece of junk email; verbatim, but shortened.]

I am writing to seek your cooperation over this, please due welcome this letter

My dear beloved,

In face of my predicament, I want you to know that I have gone through hell to seek for a good person to help me but all I keep getting is betrayers who want to reap where they did not sow but God has directed me to contact you and my spirit is at rest as I am writing this letter to you and that is very much convincing and I hope you will be of good help to me. ….

My name is Mrs.Halim Hossain, am suffering from a slow killing poison that was given to me by my late husband’s half brother because of an inheritance of US$10.5 Million left for me and my son by my late husband, my late husband’s half brother was my late husband’s business partner, it was like a family business before their last oil deal of 10.5million, he become so greedy that he poisoned my husband on a diner business party they went in London and when he found out that my husband made me his next of kin on the money, he now gave me a slow killing poison so that when I die he will use my son to claim the money from the bank maybe after claiming the money he will also kill my son. What a greedy and deadly person, he is doing this to me and my family that loved and welcomed him like one of us, the world is wicked.

[This is worth a soap opera, all by itself, or perhaps the plot of next year's Damages TV series.]
….
Hope to hear from you soon

God bless you

303: A Memorable Fancy – XXXV

“Charity”

Judas drafted a statement of policy for determining who would be supported by the group’s charities.

“First of all, of course, we must distinguish the deserving poor from those who could work at something, if suitably washed and got up in clean clothes, and energized, and motivated.

“And second, we must ask that women seeking relief diminish the number of their children, or at least undertake to produce no more.

“Third, we do ask that all applicants for assistance be fresh and eager in attitude and positive in tone, regardless of their previous condition.

“And last, we can of course only support the poor at the level at which we ourselves receive discretionary revenue; and so a budget, reflecting a responsible proportion of giving to receiving, will be proposed for your consideration.”

Judas finished reading, and looked around the table at the other twelve members of the Board. For once, Jesus had absolutely nothing to say. Judas took this as a sign of approval.

[from ...Tell No Tales: Adventures of the Dead]

<END>

298: From the Annals of Computer Language Archaeology

A very long time ago, I was assigned to modify a user’s Honeywell H-400 assembly-language program. Digging into the code, I found its structure rather odd. Digging further, I found not only that it was an almost line-for-line translation from IBM 1401 assembly language, but that the 1401 code was itself a literal translation from wiring of the system where it had originally been developed: Not a computer, but an IBM 407 PCAM (punch-card accounting machine, or ‘tab machine’). There are many examples where human-language writings have undergone an analogous recoding process. This is called translation, of course, and the number of language layers can reach an arbitrary depth.

 

EOF

286: “Amorous fails” – more sex junkmail

[this month's catch, verbatim but excerpted:]

Avoid bed-loser’s fate: Get shocked with length increase

Liquidate man’s main problem: Harddrill her today!

Drive her wild! Gigantic tool in 5 secs!

Driling her until exhaustion?Easy, if you have a pack of this male vitamin!

Want more carnal victories? This natural blend can sure make your rocket start every night!

With this you’ll easily find approach to every female you want. Say goodbye to amorous fails!

Let your zip feel tension: Be the macho-perfecto!

Shut her tiny hole: You can cry because of your weak and limp rod, or you can purchase this solution.

Watch her come over and over  Hi sweety

More moans, more peaks: Man’s charm is hardness

 

<END>

282: Today’s Sex Junk-Email

[The following piece of spam was received today. Verbatim:]

“So hard you can break an egg

Penis Growth Free Sample

Enhance your organ with organic wonder drugs”

[A vivid image, that foxy egg. Wouldn't this make a great scene in a David Lynch movie?]

[And as to "organ" and "organic" -- well, it just seems right.]

280: iFingers

How long will it be until we have “air gestures” in imitation of iPad, such as:

Two fingers, or finger and thumb, slowly spreading apart = “Speak up!”

Two fingers apart, slowly coming together = “Speak more quietly” or “shut up!”

One finger, flicking right to left = “Just get on with it!”

Forefinger tap = “Could I see the menu, please?”

 

264: Prophets and Profits: Another “Nigerian” Spamscam

[verbatim but abridged:]

Dearest in Christ

From his precious bleeding site, and with a warm heart I offer my friendship and greetings as I have been directed, hoping this mail meets you in a stable health. …. I make this proposal to you as a person of integrity who I was to contact via a REVELATION that was given to me in a trance from heaven.

…. I am a native of Finland I have no kids my hubby is dead I do not have any close relations but have been directed by the LORD to inform you of his Will to have you as his servant .I have contacted you as someone that can be trusted to use my funds for the lords purpose and his children. …. I prayed to the LORD to put me through to the right path, who then led me to you in a miraculous way. I have contacted you to assist in using my wealth for the development of his kingdom work, I want us to act fast and have this fund out of the security company before they get confiscated or declared unserviceable by the Security Company when I die. I seek your consent to present you as my next of kin. So that the proceeds of this consignment valued at US$ 10.5 million dollars (Ten Million Five Hundred Thousand United

…. Faith, Honesty, Commitment and Trust is our watch word.

Waiting to hear from you
Remain Blessed.
In His Service
Sarah

<END>

262: Acting Out, Again

By Ruben Castaneda
Washington Post Staff Writer
Wednesday, September 30, 2009 – verbatim but abridged

A federal civil lawsuit filed Tuesday alleges that a former Hyattsville police officer last year pistol-whipped a man who had advised him not to drive so fast in a residential area.

The lawsuit, filed in U.S. District Court in Greenbelt, says that Todd O. Prawdzik, who at the time was a Hyattsville officer, knocked Matthew J. Crouch unconscious. Prawdzik then charged Crouch with second-degree assault, even though Crouch, who is 32 now, never attacked or threatened the officer, according to the lawsuit.

Prawdzik and other Hyattsville officers attended a court hearing for Crouch and followed him and his relatives in an effort to intimidate Crouch, the lawsuit alleges.

Prince George’s County prosecutors later dropped the assault charge against Crouch, according to court records and William F. Hickey III, Crouch’s attorney

“It’s an egregious example of police misconduct,” Hickey said in an interview.

Efforts to reach Prawdzik were unsuccessful.

<END>

248: No Spooning, Please !

Have you noticed that spoons are disappearing from restaurant tables? Not stolen, mind you (who would steal a spoon?) but never provided in the first place. Even many mid-price restaurants no longer provide spoons, unless you order soup. See that delicious sauce? Wouldn’t be wonderful to finish it? Try scooping it up with a fork. Yeah. It can be no coincidence that Google Maps’  symbol for dining establishments is a knife and fork — no spoon. Well, I have one of those “sporks” and I carry it with me for just such emergencies.  It is bright yellow. Perhaps a waiter will see and be suitably shamed.

- Terence Kuch

 

242: Today’s Crime Report

Washington Post Fairfax Weekly section, 21 July 2011, page 26

“CRIME REPORT

“North St., 10300 block, 1:47p.m. June 15. A Global Positioning System device and battery jumper cables were stolen from an unlocked vehicle.”

– be on the lookout for a car with a dead battery that doesn’t know where it is.

233: A Memorable Fancy – III

The Candle People – Small candles in the shape of people, wicks protruding from their hats – protect your wick at all times – don’t go out in the sun or you’ll melt – how candles are made, with different ingredients – “I am made of finer wax than you” – a candelabrum as static ballet – climax: big fight with the snow-globe people.

– Terence Kuch

232: No More than Twelve Items — Or Else!

Crime Report:

“Maple Ave. E. 100 block, 5:10 to 5:30 p.m., Oct. 23 [2009]. A man argued with a woman in an express checkout line in a grocery store because she had more than 12 items in her basket. Outside, the woman saw the man coming toward her as she loaded her groceries into her car, and she got into the car and closed the door. The man opened the door and took one of her grocery items, saying that he was going to take something of hers because she took some of his time. The man fled before police arrived.”

– Washington Post, 5 November 2009, ‘Local Living Fairfax’ section, page 38.

[‘fled’ in this context is police-talk for ‘left the scene’.]

<END>

 

227: The Leader Principle – II

Two quotations from an article by Timothy Snyder in New York Review of Books, June 23, 2011, pages 54-56:

“The political style of Hitler and other Nazi leaders was to issue general guidelines and to expect subordinates to find the ways to realize them. This meant that participants in Nazi crimes, both before and during the war, acted as creative conformists.”

“Hitler[‘s] …political style required of the Germans not just obedience but initiative, and showing how the pattern of creative conformity established before 1939 enabled bloody escalation during the war.”

<END>

226: The Future of the Past

You won’t remember America’s fond dreams in the 1940’s for “the post-war world”, when the future would be futuristic. A film, “Sing Your Way Home” (1945) contained a song that received an Oscar nomination. One verse went like this:

“A honeymoon in Cairo,

In a brand new autogyro
Then off to Rio for a drink
We’ll settle down in Dallas
In a little plastic palace

Oh it’s not as crazy as you think.”

Yes, it wasn’t crazy. Except for the Dallas part, maybe.

The mid/late 1960’s was the heyday of the crystal ball. America’s post-war dreams had become the dream of scholars such as Herman Kahn of the Hudson Institute. I collected several volumes of their ponderings back then, thinking that if I were to live into the 20xx years I’d look back on how well their predictions held up.

Well, now it’s now, and now I did.

The various prognosticators tended to be defensive, back in the ‘60’s; they thought that people like me would laugh at their vision of the future. Actually, their predictions tended to be largely accurate as to detail (especially those of the amazing John R. Pierce), with a few exceptions. (One exception: by the year 2000 we’d all have individualized underground transport, apparently a kind of tunneled Zipcar system.)

These fortune-tellers did well on the details; but the common thread is that they didn’t grasp the significance of the trends they clearly foresaw. For example, more than one writer remarked on the increasing concentration of CO2 in the atmosphere – but didn’t predict global warming. And worldwide instantaneous communications were coming – but they didn’t foresee the Internet, or social media. Captain (later Admiral) Grace Hopper predicted that tiny computers would be everywhere, in all kinds of devices – but didn’t see the enormous technical and social changes that would result.

So: 40 years from now, what will the future hold for those trends we can see now: climate change, social media, genetic tinkering, a world of nine+ billion people, etc. etc.? Stay tuned. Whatever happens, we’ll be surprised.

<END>

225: An Oddity of Dreaming

In dreams, you see and hear fantastic things, or realistic things (people, etc.). You may be you in a dream, or you may be someone else. You may, in a dream, look at a cow-like shape and say “that’s a gigantic bat!” or your experience may be purely sensory, unattached from names of things. These are dream-facts we experience and learn while asleep.

But once in a while, there is pre-existing knowledge in a dream; something you know but did not experience. Last night, I knew, in my dream, that I was in Moscow. But it didn’t look like Moscow; the place could have passed for Philadelphia. No one was speaking Russian, or even had one of those bad movie-Russian accents. No one said “Here in Moscow,  …”. How did I “know” I was in Moscow? This dream-fact was based on nothing that occurred in the dream itself.

So how ….. ?

224: The Leader Principle – I

In 1932-33, Hitler became the head of the German government. Members of his movement, the Nazi Party, quickly took over key government positions at the national and provincial levels. We can call this “Phase 1.”

It was possible, then, that the Party, having achieved its primary aim, would become less important, since Nazis were in firm control of the machinery of government, and mass agitation and violence were no longer needed.

But instead, the Party became, in effect, the government, and the Government [with a capital ‘G’] per se, became largely irrelevant. We can call this “Phase 2.”

The Party, through its existing officers and organization, ruled the country for only a few years. Then the Party largely lapsed into irrelevance. Power now flowed directly from the Leader, person to person rather than from one level of Party cadre to the next. (“Rule of men, not laws.”) This personalization of power was called the Führerprinzip, literally “leader principle.” Power was centered in men who were Nazis, but not in the Nazi Party itself. We can call this “Phase 3.”

Germans, dating from long before Hitler, had developed a preference for formal organization at all levels. Such varied organizations as card-players’ clubs, hikers’ groups, and universities had their own constitution, bylaws, and elected officers. In accordance with the Führerprinzip, many such groups formally revoked their constitutions and agreed to be ruled by a Leader. This action aligned them, ‘philosophically,’ with the Führer himself, Adolf Hitler. Leaders were not elected, but either self-selected, or appointed by the next higher level of Leader.

Leaders appointed sub-leaders, who appointed sub-sub-leaders, etc., in all spheres of life. Thus a form of organization came about. But it was a personal organization: The leaders’ orders were to be obeyed, rather than the laws. There were, in effect, no laws anymore, only decrees. As there was often no neat hierarchy of Leaders, much jostling and shoving (both metaphorical and real) ensued.

Scholarly studies of the Reich seldom mention the Führerprinzip except in passing. But it was a striking feature of German life in the period 1932-1945.

When the Führerprinzip is mentioned by historians, it is often said to have been derived from the organization of the Roman Catholic Church, or even from the doctrine of Papal infallibility. But whatever the inspiration, the Führerprinzip was very different in practice. (1) Canon law used in the Church is a codified and comprehensive system of laws, slow to change. The Führerprinzip was not a system of laws, was not codified, and its application was constantly in a state of flux for these very reasons. (2) Papal infallibility does not affect the governance of the church, but rather its teaching (doctrine). The Führerprinzip had little to do with doctrine, except the principle itself. Also, the Leader’s claims on his followers did not arise from being infallible, but just from being in charge.

<END>

220: Some Letters of M.C. Escher

Many years ago, M.C. Escher, the Dutch artist, and I corresponded. I have 13 hand-written aerogrammes from him. Most of these concern routine business matters, but the following letters (one excerpted; the others complete) may be of interest.

=====

Baarn, 15-II-66

Dear Mr. Kuch,

The book “Graphic Works ….” is out of print. A new edition will be ready probably next April. It will contain 70 reproductions, giving a nearly complete survey of my graphic work since 1937.

Yours sincerely, M.C. Escher

=====

Baarn, August 3, 1966

Dear Mr. Kuch,

Thank you for thinking of me when you saw [Rowland B.] Wilson’s cartoon in the New Yorker. It is curious indeed that they published it one month after Martin Gardner’s article in Scientific American about my work.

This was the third time the cartoon was send me from the U.S.

Yours sincerely, M.C. Escher

=====

Baarn, October 5, 1966

Dear Mr. Kuch,

Many thanks for your letter of Oct. 1, with enclosed photo of an Alhambra periodic wall decoration. I know it since long: copied it, with many others, when I was there in y 36.

Yours sincerely, M.C. Escher

=====

Baarn, July 25, 1967

Dear Mr. Kuch,

…. Many thanks for the rubbing you made of the bathroom window of that old New York – hotel! It’s an amusing pattern, which of course I know very well. Is it not surprising that these patterns were made since long.

I do not remember if I told you that a book, with 40 of my patterns appeared some years ago. The title is: “Symmetry Aspects of M.C. Escher’s Periodic Drawings”, with scientific texts by Prof. C.H. MacGillivry.

Some weeks ago a new edition of my book, with 70 (instead of 40) illustrations, appeared at Meredith Press, 250 Park Av. New York, N.Y. 10017. “The Graphic Works of M.C. Escher”.

Yours sincerely, M.C. Escher

=====

<END>

218: Two Laundromats

[1] Our Own Business Directory:  there is a “Cosmic Laudromat” in Merrifield, Virginia.

(When you wash upon a star?)

…………………………………………………

[2]  In 1963, in New Orleans, I saw a laundromat with: “White Only” painted on the door. Now if that weren’t so grimly awful, it might even be funny …

<END>

 

217: “No Trust” Indeed! – “Nigerian” Junk Email VII

[The following junk email is reproduced verbatim, but shortened.]

“My name is Mrs. Taiba OUDIQUA, and I am a banker. It is true that we have not met each others in person, but I strongly believe that no trust, no friendship in every business.” [The email continues with the usual inveiglements.]

<END>

215: Backing Out of a Parking Space

[Correspondence to and from the Washington Post's Dr. Gridlock (Robert Thomson), March, 2011:]

“Backing out from between two SUVs: yes, slowly. But I also use my four-way flashers, especially at night and in garages. It seems to help alert other drivers as to what I’m doing.”

—–

“Thanks, Terence, I like that idea. What you saw in the paper was a reproduction from my online chat on Monday. During the chat, I got many more comments from readers on this backing-in topic than I was able to publish. I suppose it sounds like a small thing compared to the future of Metro, or whether we should build more High Occupancy Toll lanes, but it clearly was something that many readers cared about and had thought about.”

<END>

213: “Big OS” — The Original Tron

[My comment posted to io9.com:]

I was a programmer when the original IBM commercial operating systems were introduced. They were called “BOS 16K Disk” and “BOS 16K Tape” (resided on a tape drive, believe it or not, and swapped code in and out of main memory — very clumsy.) B[for 'Basic']OS 16K Disk evolved into DOS ['Disk Operating System'] ** and a year or so later the full OS was completed and introduced, colloquially called “Big OS”. These OSs did only the most basic stuff, like allowing multiple programs to run concurrently. Anyway, I and my programmer buddies just HATED Big OS because it stood between us and the computer. No more could we just cut code and run it at the machine level.

So, where this is going is that years later, Tron showed up the evil OS (“MCP”) as the heartless tyrant we’d all struggled with and against, and finally given into but never loved.

** TOS was abandoned by IBM shortly thereafter.

<END>

 

212: Acid Reflux from Amazon Feedback?

“Will you share your experience? Help the Amazon Marketplace community by rating your recent transactions. It’s easy — just click the ‘Leave seller feedback’ links below.”

Dozens of times I’ve bought from an Amazon partner (through Amazon), and all but one time I was completely satisfied. But no, I don’t “share my experiences” anymore. Why? Because that one time when I had a problem with a supplier and wrote an honest evaluation, Amazon promptly emailed me asking — almost insisting — that I change my negative evaluation to positive.

I didn’t. And I stopped, then and there, responding to their requests to rate my transactions.

210: Self-Inflicted Racism; “Nigerian” Junk Email VI

(The following junk email is reproduced verbatim, but shortened at “…”)

“Dear Friend, …

“It is my sincere pleasure at this moment to exhibit my total trust bestowed on you in accordance to my Proposed partnership relationship with you of which I am fully convinced that you will really welcome my partnership with you in this transaction Being very sceptically about dealing with Africans in such transaction, Ranging from the height of fraudulent activities encompassing the African communities. Now it is my Godly nursed intention to prove myself to you that I am very much different from others which you must have come across.

“I hereby attested my accepted conclusion to take upon my gentle self and to join hands together to cover any unforeseen expenses that may be involved here till the Final Transfer of the Funds to our Correspondent Bank before its Final remittance into your Nominated Bank Account.

“This is to convince you of my spirited acceptance to have you as a confidant in a business of this magnitude knowing that you will not turn me down come-what-may, regarding this Claim/Transfer to boost my planned establishment of a funding Company out of Africa. …

“I look forward for your immediately Positive responds through this Email Address:  …”

<END>

206: “Way Hey Blow the Man Down!” / Up?

Another sex junk email received recently, verbatim but shortened:

 

“[from] Thersa Lanora Feb 21 (11 days ago)

“Truth About Penis Enhancing Pills Now!

. . . .

“If you’re one of the millions of men with a little penis then you’ve come to the proper place. I’m travelling to state you how to make your penis permanently longer and thicker.

. . . .

“Get got down TODAY with no holding off. See results in as little as 7 weeks Guaranteed

“Click here now to learn how to blow up your penis

“http://bigsize[redacted].ru”

<END>

199: “Is there an editor in the house?”

Washington Post, 7 January 2011, page A2, under “Corrections”:

“A Reliable Source item in the Nov. 8 Style section, about the “gift vault” where the State Department stores presents to be given to foreign dignitaries, referred to a baseball bat autographed by the New York Yankees’ Derek Jeter as a basketball bat.”

 

<END>

196: Today’s Scam: United Nations Giving Money to Americans

[[The following, from a spam email, is verbatim but abridged. It is certainly an original idea to give money to people in rich countries to help people in poor countries. But if everything else has been tried ....]]

From: Mr Ban Ki-moon

Malaysia Government Accredited Licensed Promoters!
United Nations Trust Fund
Malaysia Department of Humanitarian Affairs
Wangsa Maju 10, Jalan 1/27B, Sek 1
Bandar Baru Wangsa Maju
53300 Kuala Lumpur Malaysia

Congratulations Beneficiary,

your email has been selected by the United Nations(UN) for a cash grant award of Six Hundred And Fifty Thousand Five hundred United State Dollar,($650,500.00 usd). The united nations authorities has decided to give this award to 15 beneficiaries from all over the world to help facilitate and improve the standard of living to the Commission on the Limits of the Continental Shelf for developing States, in particular the least developed countries and small island developing States, and compliance with article 76 of the United Nations Convention on the Law of the Sea.This grant is been aided by the United Nations development programme and the united nations trust funds for human security.

Do contact our payment office immediately with the informations below.
1.FULL NAMES OF DONATION BENEFICIARY:………………
2.RESIDENTIAL ADDRESS:……………………
3.DATE AND PLACE OF BIRTH:…………………….
4.WINNING EMAIL:………………………
5.PHONE/FAX NUMBERS:……………………….
6.NAME AND ADDRESS OF NEXT OF KIN:…………..
7.SEX:………………..
8.OCCUPATION:……………….
9.MARITAL STATUS:………………
10.COUNTRY:………………
11NATIONALITY:……….

Regards,
Mr Ban Ki-moon.
(UNITED NATIONS SECRETARY GENERAL
MALAYSIA GAMING HOUSE

195: “You can be the fat bratwurst”: Sex Junk Emails VII

Following are verbatim excerpts from “the best” sex-oriented junk emails. [[Occasional comments are enclosed in double-brackets.]]

=====

Big penis is like an expensive car!

=====

Be her wild Tarzan

=====

Make your rocket fly again

=====

Try also each time new unforgettable impressions

=====

IT consultant of perfect love making art

=====

Finally Get thePenis You Have Been Waiting For: 3-4 InchesGrowth in a Matter.

Don’t rely on luck in such important question as your “weenie’s” combativity!

=====

How to Mkae Her Orgasm Fast – Make Her Shake aynd Scream with Pure Pleasure. Banner made form human hair raises eyebxrows

=====

Make your bedroom a battlearea! — We will bring your desire to the new level! Super pack and your motor works again!

=====

Hammer your pile in her triturate hysterical

=====

Postpone your love bomb’s explode baseness overbearance — Get hot in a while.

=====

aKma Sutra — Give Your Gril Multiple Orgasms Tonigsht — Politicans Praiwsing Themselvmes Online

=====

Best sex Positions For Hber too Climax Into an Orgasm. Amazing 4 Yaers Old Drrummer

=====

Your pork pistol won’t fail!

Who said desire is not tangible? We sell it in caplets!

=====

Give wang full strength flow

we can work it out

=====

Enlarge your male dignity

=====

Dont delay enhancing

Help it stay as tree!

=====

Augment your male tool

Stimulate her grotto better

=====

Need more delight at night? Give your meatstick some doping!

=====

A little cheating will give you so much powers that she will moan like an alarm-system.

=====

Quit smoking with ease via Zyban medicine.

Stay hard and firm till she comes

=====

Equip your battleship with main caliber

=====

Resonce on stimulation will always come in seconds!

=====

Express your feelings to her in hard lasting drilling!

=====

Unable to achieve the condition of concrete pole? Browse here, we have a solution!

=====

Additional accumulator for your love battery! Try today!

=====

Dream of huge dignity?

=====

cinquecento Get huge to make her shout mitraille

uncoif clutches exprobation fleeced affector

=====

Make your love locomotive enter her tunnel on a full speed.

=====

Keep your rod hardy

Confirm on receiving

=====

Dont let the flu into your life

Hi sweety

=====

Give yourself 1-3 inches more you deserved, forget about small penis you have now

=====

Make your dick longer than the Great China Wall with Penis Enlargement

=====

Viagra from brand factory. West the her him In

=====

Tired of wasting uncountable $ to grow yourPenis but result not what you expect? our magic pills can give you length you deserved

=====

71% of women are disappointed by the size of their lover’sPenis. The other 29% are being nice. Did you know that?

=====

NBA finals cancelled

Turn your rod into a hulk rod

=====

Experience Rock-HardErecetions on yourPenis

=====

Remedies for sexual activity          [[come again?]]

=====

I increased my mojo in 2 weeks

You can be the new man of steel once you increase your size

=====

Whip out your howitzer today

=====

Hung Wankenstein

Girth and length are your two best buddies

=====

You aint no tiny cocktail sausage, you can be the fat bratwurst with our concoction.

=====

Enlargement for dummies          [[an accurate statement, for once]]

=====

Make your trouser-mouse a monster

=====

<END>

194: Determinism II: “From a God’s-Eye Point of View…”

(See post 184 for ‘Determinism I’)

It’s often said that “from a God’s-eye point of view” every event can be foreseen. This “God’s eye” is sometimes spoken of metaphorically, sometimes literally. If there is an omniscient God, then such a God knows everything that will ever happen, in complete detail. If every event can be known in advance, everything is pre-determined, and determinism is true.

We still put dollars on our favorite horse, because even if the winning nag is pre-determined, we can never, in practice, have certain knowledge of the result in advance of the race.

But there is a problem. If God can foresee all events, then God can foresee His foreseeing of future events before He foresees them. This is a contradiction, and therefore determinism is not true.

Isn’t it?

How certain is that?

<END>

189: Get It Up? Get Out!

“Czech test for gay asylum seekers scrutinized: The Czech government has rejected criticism of its use of a test of the credibility of gay asylum seekers. The Vienna-based European Union Agency for Fundamental Rights said the Czech Republic is the only known E.U. country to use “phallometric testing.” The method tests whether men seeking asylum on the grounds of homosexuality are sexually aroused by heterosexual pornographic material.”

Washington Post, 9 December 2010, page A10

I guess we can call this the “lay detector”. Who is watching the subjects to assess the results of these tests? What are the exact pass/fail criteria? (Stiffness? Degrees above the horizontal? Duration of the effect? Are there drug tests to make sure none of the applicants have taken Levitra for penile levitation?) In any case, the test seems highly phall-able.

<END>

187: Having Sex with a Sandwich?

“A boneless slab of tenderness” is how McDonald’s describes their McRib **.  Is it just my dirty mind, or does that sound like “organ meat” to you?

** McDonald’s flyer, code number VOX 290093-9, copyright 2010. The paragraph in full: “It’s a boneless slab of tenderness slathered with our own special barbecue sauce, then topped with crisp onions and pickles.”

184: Determinism I: Determinism Refuted

(See post 194 for ‘Determinism II’)

It is sometimes held that, although at least some quantum-level events are truly random (not completely determined by initial conditions), events on a macroscopic level — our level — are not affected by what happens at the quantum level. In this view, all events in the world as we know it are completely determined by initial conditions. The patterns of causality in our world swamp whatever may happen at the quantum level. Our-world events would therefore, in theory, be completely predictable from a “God’s eye” point of view. This is called “determinism”.

However, consider the following news item from New Scientist, 25 September 2010, page 19: “A random number generator that harnesses the quantum fluctuations in empty space could soon sit inside your computer. … Christian Gabriel’s team at the Max Planck Institute for the Science of Light in Erlangen, Germany, has built a prototype that draws on a vacuum’s random quantum fluctuations. These impart random noise to laser beams in the device, which converts it into numbers.”

Suppose I have such a generator, and use it to generate one random decimal digit. If the number lies between 0 and 4, I will move to London. If the number is from 5 to 9, I’ll move to Los Angeles. Either way, my life will, directly or indirectly, affect the lives of many other people over the following years. Most effects will be minor, like causing someone not to be hired for a job because I was. But some effects may be major (we’ll never know). Whatever comes to pass, a truly random event at the quantum level will have had effects on our (macroscopic) world.

<END>

183: “… or are you just happy to see me?”

From the Washington Post, Fairfax supplement, 14 October 2010, page 29:

“Willard Way, 10300 block, 12:26 p.m., Sept. 30. A male concealed merchandise in his pants at a grocery store and left. A 40-year-old man of no fixed address was charged with petty larceny and trespassing.”

[Well, what did he put in his pants? I'm guessing it was a "weenie". Or maybe a pullet?]

<END>

181: Cyber-Warfare Happens!

[from the Washington Post Fairfax Weekly section, 7 October 2010, page 40, Crime Report from Vienna, Virginia, verbatim:]

“Terrace Ct. SE, 12:25 a.m., Sept. 25. A male in an apartment took his girlfriend’s laptop, put it in the shower and soaked it during an argument about another female calling his cellphone. The girlfriend allegedly took his iPod, BlackBerry, and digital camera and threw them in the toilet. The girlfriend eventually gave him his BlackBerry, and he left the apartment. The case was under investigation.”

 

180: A message from the Wank Officer

From a “Nigerian” email (many of which originate elsewhere) comes the following message [verbatim, but abridged]:

……….

I am about to retire from active Bank service to start a new life but I am sceptical to reveal this particular secret to a ranger.

……….

I acted as the wank Officer to most of the politicians and when I discovered that they were using me to succeed in their greedy act,

……….

I only want you to ass is me by providing a viable bank account

……….

I have stolen the money from everyone because the other people that took the whole money did not face any problems. This is my chance also to grab my own

……….

I shall intimate you on what to do when I get your confirmation and acceptance.

179: “The larger the pepper mill, the worse the food”

The following is adapted from a sign seen on the front door of Umberto’s Restaurant, Myrtle Beach, South Carolina:

“The larger the pepper mill, the worse the food”

“Only mediocre restaurants are always at their best”

“Never eat in a restaurant that moves”

“When the waiter says everything on the menu is good, the opposite may be true”

“Never order a drink that comes with an umbrella or where you get to keep the glass”

“If God had meant for us to fly, he wouldn’t have given us airplane food”

“Never trust a skinny cook”

177: The Month’s Oddest New “Nigerian” Scam

< The following is verbatim, but abridged: >

“The UK-National Lottery, Congratulate you as one of our Ten(10) Star Prize Winner You won One million pounds. For more information, Kindly contact claims director Barrister Terry Woodgate with: Serial No: S/N-472-9768-79/Full Name/Contact Address/Tel/Age/Country.

“Barrister Terry Woodgate, E-mail: [deleted].  NOTE: Do not reply to this e-mail. …. Do not give anybody your winning detail OR tell anyone so as to avoid double claims.

“Best Regards,

“Escuela de Cachorros Veterinaria”

<For those of you who don’t read Spanish, this million-pound opportunity comes to you from … The School of Small-Animal Veterinary [Medicine] !>

END

171: You Can Make the Check Out to …

(from Washington Post, Metro section, 05 July 2010):

“D.C. homicide detectives were investigating a shooting Saturday in Northeast that killed a 19-year-old man ….

“Anonymous tipsters may also be eligible for a $1,000 reward from the D.C. Crime Solvers Unit. They can be reached at 866-411-TIPS.”

But if I’m anonymous, how … ?

169: Just in Time to Celebrate July 4

“Destruction of Property, 200 blk. E. Fairfax St., June 23, 10:07 p.m., unknown person(s) punched a window out of a blue Oldsmobile that was located in the parking lot. Suspect is described as a white male, who fled in an older model red vehicle.”

– Crime Report, Falls Church (Virginia) Police Department, as posted in the Falls Church Times, http://fallschurchtimes.com/22858/crime-report-for-june-22-28-2/

<END>

164: Ad Cathedra

“… an infamous incident [in the middle ages] when the Archbishop of York, noticing that the Archbishop of Canterbury had a seat higher than his, kicked it over and refused to be seated until he had a seat as high.”

(Robert J. Bartlett, New York Review of Books, June 24, 2010, page 48)

But that, of course, that was before both sees had become politely Anglican.

<END>

158: Sell Your Classical Music CDs?

CD Cellar would like to buy your used classical CDs. See CDcellar.net for details. This post isn’t a paid ad — it’s here because the folks at CD Cellar are good people, and friendly, and honest, and they’ve been in business for lots of years. And they need to stock up on classical CDs to sell.

(Some day, most classical music will be downloaded instead of sold on disk, but that day isn’t here yet. Why is this logical step, that’s already happened for pop/rock music, taking so long for classical?)

155: The Meaty Lever: Sex Junk Mails, Installment VI

Below are more highlights from stupid sex junk emails — verbatim  — including a couple with political overtones. Who is desperate enough fall for this stuff?

=====

Use your carrot better

=====

Vote for Mccane on our site

Tune your shaft well!

=====

Staying manhood is a capital

=====

Wang won’t be unready

Fill rod with power!

=====

Avoid standard men’s troubles

Unbelievable low sale

=====

Become more appetent for females

=====

For exciting moments

Make your hose’s radius great

=====

hey, is your girl feel down with your shorterPenis, our herbal pill can longer xeyuv jw82

=====

Want to act in bed, like the guy from the movie you watchd yesterday?

=====

Care about your wang!

=====

Energetic for the carnal part of your body! Use it or you can lose it!

Cheap and treats diseases

=====

Want your meaty lever to go up and forward all night? Make a purchase then!

Obama’s personal info

=====

En1argerPenis 3″ in 6 Weeks, see myPenis pictures as proof. pghx zg9j

Enlarges yourStick to max length & girth!

You can become a BIGGER MAN Today!

<END>

150: Came Darkness: The Curse of Job (a play for voices)

Prospectus:

“Came Darkness: The Curse of Job” is a play for voices by Terence Kuch and is available for no-fee licensing by churches and other non-profit groups. This play is dramatized from the book of Job and the sermons of John Donne about Job. It emphasizes the glories of the inspired language of this most poetic book of the Bible, and the soaring rhetoric of John Donne, the poet and most famous preacher of his day.

Synopsis

John Donne delivers a Lenten sermon to King James and his court on a text from Job. Donne introduces and comments on the dialogue between Job and his ‘friends’ (accusers). Gradually, Donne is drawn into the dialogue himself, and confides his own fears. God speaks, and Job is reconciled. Eight years later, Donne delivers his last sermon, and he also is reconciled, after a fashion.

First presented in a preliminary version at St Andrew’s Church, Arlington, Virginia, March 17th, 1986, directed by June Hansen of Arena Stage and other Washington, D.C. area theatres.

Production

Six parts requiring six readers, of whom two must be male and the other parts, while nominally male, could be taken by either male or female actors.

Since this is a play for voices, no special staging or costumes are required, and there is no action as such. Ideally, “Came Darkness” is performed in a church, where ‘John Donne’ stands at a lectern, and the other performers are arranged in any convenient way.

Audience

This play is primarily intended for adults.

A pdf file of the full text is available at http://terencekuch.files.wordpress.com/2010/04/came-darkness-the-curse-of-job.pdf

149: Midnight Central: A Book of Ironic/Erotic Verse

Midnight Central, originally published in 2001 as ‘by Karl Krausbart’,  is now out of print and no longer available (even from Amazon). Interested readers may now find it on WordPress using this link:

http://terencekuch.files.wordpress.com/2010/04/midnight-central-2010-reprint.doc

144: Double-Take Headlines

(1) Washington Post, February 5, 2010, page B1:

“Parking flap ends in gun charge  —- Anger counselor held in Fairfax —- Accused of pulling pistol on federal marshals blocking Jeep”

(2) And my all-time favorite headline, printed several years ago in the Washington Post:

“Self-Help Group Gets Grant”

141: Sex Junk Emails V: “How please knocking-out hottie”

More of those ‘how dumb do you think guys are?’ junk emails (verbatim extracts):

=============================================================

Accidentally sent you money

How please knocking-out hottie

===

Like to protect your love-gun from failures?

Easy as damn it! One pilule from our store is a full protection of such kind, plus you get more pleasure and give more pleasure also!

You will Never have your face turned red of shame. Buy a ticket to success.

===

LOL! Bruce got small one

===

Wow-arouse-maker for you!

===

Order now and drill her tonight!

Once your body gets such power stimulus as our products provide? You get stallion power and eagerness. All girls need it, all girls want it from you. Give it to her and be her King!

===

Staff training

Improving your love talents is no problem at all with our products!

Try now or you will regret later. Super boooost and super endurance for your pecker? No matter of his previous condition.

===

I left note on table

This simple sure has helped thousands of men to feel tension in pants again!

===

Popping our pellets is like saying “get up!” to your nether rod.

Be sure that her will.

===

Have a concrete thing in pants!

===

All girls agree to pull panties down, when they see such concrete male-power!

===

Super vitamin for giving your love accumulator a new charge.

===

Mexican girl sucks Nazi-rod

Let Us Help!

Your trousers will have a huge bulge again, after you try our pilules.

===

Permanent En1argedPenis, Dr. Guaranteeed Up To 3 Inches Increased & 40% wider in 60 days or less tny lmh

===

Defend your manhood’s activity

===

Endless joy of humping

===

“\FEEL ITSELF REAL MEN.\”=

Give your wang bulldozer power!

===

Boost your virile thing!

Delicate male problem solution

===

We must be solidly indemnified

Supply your organ

===

My fingers fidget like ten idle brats

Your swell will show her your passion. Yes, as it was when you were a teen!

===

Bulldozer lovepower Muse for night deeds

===

Are you really HAPPY with yourPenis Size?

* PermanentPenis En1argement – En1arge up to 3-4 inches in length in just weeks!

* Create a BiggerPenisHead – Create a more muscular mushroomed looking PenisHead!

===

You’ll feel yourself with women like Michael Jordan with ball and hoop.

===

Never feel uncharged in bed

Improve your spire, make is able to punish her or lift her to heavens.

===

Horny Goat Weed — Does it Rejuvenate  iLbido?

Biig structure, smalll price tag; Wisconsin town offers defunct bridge for $1

===

Give her ham wallet good drilling

===

Screw her rabbit hole

===

A huge tool in your shed

===

Bigger your ShortPenis – 100% Natural EnlargementPills is Safe & Effective! gapd bz

===

Profit huedgertonge with eBay!

===

Best manure for pork stalk — Get to know the secret of perfect seducion.

===

More and more times a night — Dont you see her cheating you?

===

Sneaky Tricks to Blast Her Into Exploasive Orgasms – Master These Moves to Drive Her Weild in sex!

– Woman, 82, gets ticket for slow crossssing

===

<END>

127: Cops Out of Control – II

(Washington Post, 31 July 2009)

“Man Arrested After Chanting at Police

D.C. police launched an internal investigation after a 33-year-old lawyer complained that he was improperly charged with disorderly conduct after chanting “I hate police” while walking down the street.

Pepin Tuma, a lawyer in private practice, said he was walking in the U Street corridor late Saturday with two friends when they came upon several police cars at a traffic stop. Tuma and his friends, also lawyers, had been discussing the arrest of Harvard professor Henry Louis Gates Jr.

“In a singsong voice, a little louder than conversation, I said, ‘I hate the police. I hate the police,’ ” Tuma said. He said an officer came over and said, “You can’t talk to the police like that,” before pushing him against an electric utility box and handcuffing him.

Tuma said he asked why he was being arrested and said he had a right to express his opinion. Tuma said the officer called him a “faggot.”

A police spokeswoman said Tuma’s complaint is being investigated but would not comment further.

<END>

123: Trash People

The following article, which has been abridged, appeared in www.delmarvanow.com, posted 27 July, 2009 (without copyright notice). This appalling item is worth reading both for what it reports, and for what it does not.

A staff member at a state-run juvenile detention center “created mass chaos” when she opened a cottage door, allowing several angry teenage boys into a building where youths were fighting with staff, according to an internal report obtained Monday by The Associated Press.

As the violence escalated, more staff members were assaulted and 14 youths escaped from the Victor Cullen Center near Sabillasville, according the report by the Department of Juvenile Services’ inspector general’s office. Six staff members sought medical attention after the melee on the night of May 27.

The staffer who opened the cottage door, letting in excited youths from a neighboring cottage, later lied to investigators by saying a co-worker told her to open it, the report says. Actually, her supervisor had ordered her not to open it, investigators found.

The staffer, whose named was redacted from the report obtained by the AP through a Public Information Act request, received the harshest criticism among six workers who were recommended for discipline.

“Her actions created mass chaos and danger in an already unstable cottage environment, as well as placing the safety and security of the entire campus in a compromising and perilous position,” the investigators found.

Six Victor Cullen employees were disciplined for the incident, according to another report released last week by the Maryland Juvenile Justice Monitor, a division of the attorney general’s office. The workers’ union says one of them was fired.

The union, the American Federation of State, County and Municipal Employees, is appealing the disciplinary actions.

The inspector general’s report, dated June 22, faults a second staffer for allowing a youth more than his allotted 10 minutes on the telephone. The violence began when the boy punched the man when he tried to take back the phone, according to the report.

The report recommends that the campus supervisor be disciplined for failing to provide direction as youths struck staff members with fists and furniture, grabbed handcuffs and seized a two-way radio to broadcast taunting messages.

“Although not negligent, she was ineffective as a leader and participant in this incident,” the report states.

A fourth staffer was cited for leaving the cottage and abandoning his peers after a youth spit in his face several times.

“He should have been able to maintain control of his anger for the benefit of the team and recognize that his assistance was paramount,” the investigators wrote.

A fifth staffer was faulted for failing to notify others when she left the most troublesome cottage, called Rutledge, to check on a co-worker who had been assaulted by youth in the neighboring Raine cottage. As she opened the door to Raine, some of the boys ran out and into Rutledge, investigators found.

“She should have requested assistance to enter Raine for her own safety and the safety of others,” the report states.

The staffer who was assaulted in Raine was faulted for inattentiveness to the rising excitement among youth in his own cottage as he watched the fight in Rutledge through a window.

“He stood for nearly eight minutes prior to his assault, along with youth beside and behind him, watching the incident transpiring on Rutledge. Youth were able to take possession of his radio,” the report states.

<END>

112: “slam pupa fully”: Found Poems – V

[Received in a junk email, complete; verbatim. Not trying to sell me anything, so why send? “Luting acuity” is nice, though...]

Hi

slam pupa fully.
chump graft rococo coatee.
brazil coatee sin.
tandem public emir cashew!
pupa ragout.
acuity feel lives sin?
sell gypsa warble public.
elan brazil how fiber.
voter sniffy lumper.
sap shrink reflux.
ladder pant swathe.
swathe coatee pant.
lives estop cue seer?
feel bounty cue.
blase bingo chalk foci!
bay oakery graft hubby?
potion glover.
sap attic potion.
give nimbus smelt slam.
peso cue agile lipped?
gas elan public flake.
gooey sniffy luting acuity?
seer seer slam find!
bingo hubby.

<END>

111: “How please knocking-out hottie”: Sex Junk Emails – IV

Following are verbatim excerpts from various junk mails I’ve received that relate to sex — not including the really gross ones, just the pathetic ones.

===

Bigger your ShortPenis – 100% Natural EnlargementPills is Safe & Effective! cvjd xn

===

Male perfection advice

You’ll call it Peter the Great

===

Why suffering from impossibility of keeping it hard when you can make it stay like a tree!

===

Hi Guidroz Its me, Lady

No more shame and uncertainty. This is your damn meat device and it will raise your lady to heavens

===

strengthen and harden your erections

Khalid Sheikh Mohammed was apprehended in Rawalpindi in

===

Check it

How please knocking-out hottie

===

Hallo!

My penis is not only longer and wider, but with a higher level of confidence I feel like a new manster python? That’s what I ask myself now.

===

Make her your rod’s slave

When you are aged and never give up, it gives your he confidence, at any chance, at any place

===

Why do you send my this?

For men who want their women to value them as loving monsters.

===

What now?

Your broad won’t need to wait for your “go up” reaction.

===

Be so kind as to read this please

Compelling force will try to tear your zipper every time you’ll be with a girl.

===

Want your MAN Area Extended? Try our Sample

===

Unleash lion inside you!

===

Your woman wants your python to be the best worker of the year

===

You’ll surprise her with your Hulk

baraggnag utndrieug
agrpgngnop pigaier
oeopa ebugtapara

===

Strenghth and largeness for you.

===

Mutant worms appeared in US

Any short stimulation from your girl and your manhood is hard and ready

===

Exclude flaccid hose risk

===

Wang will feel like wood

===

Energy for infatuations!

keooe aagbgndnbd

aappd gdiuao

===

Become ED-resistant MAN.

Dreaming about the real ramming machine in pants? Easy deal!

===

If night are not hot enough, this pilule will light the fire again

dopeiag iiprap nannaob
uurane raatgru dgna
gnaep aggrnn bagia
gn itog aaaoba pn rgo

===

You’re the Cove,’ he said, ‘for me

Though you’re such a Hoddy Doddy And all the Sailors and Admirals cried

ryqen hibia

===

Use mind to improve your fang

===

With this you will go through your girl like a bulldozer.

===

Solution for men, who feel that they can give more satisfaction to girls.

Why lie? I need money.

===

<END>

102: “Archiving in Bed”: Sex Junk Emails – III

(The following extracts are verbatim. Most appear to show a high level of performance anxiety, and a lot of aggression]

===

Carnal revitalizer!

===

Doping for your porksword!

===

Revitalize your porkmonster!

===

Fill your bed partner’s brain with the excitement and satisfaction.

===

Do your girl more than in time, when you were 18.

===

Everything will go right in bed, if you swallow this blue pilule.

===

Give your weenie some boost and no girl will laugh.

===

Get unfailing manhood.

===

So, need you letter.

===

Where to go, when you want to buy anti-anxiety goods? Nowhere, just click and get your goods delivered.

===

If you want to be all the time confident in yourself and archive everything you want in every bed.

===

Power up your gun and conquer ladies’ hearts.

===

Why couldn’t men enlarge love-sticks?

===

Click below links to add some Inches to your Manhood.

===

Problems in Getting the Sex Lifee You Want and Deserve – Starting With F

===

To intiere perfection the servis of warre two them both stain, their followers, o king, filled.

===

Or two’s quiet in our own home, with carry and which has walls and a trench full of water on extermination of the kshatriya race. There is eternal lord viz. Isana, in all their successive citizens, they will do their duty, and do it more thomas jefferson was speaking. When abe finished never forget. It was a young girl, very slight, capsules of gold, hermetically closed on both having said these words, hrishikesa quickly urged middle of the road, and glared at him with a terrible hat and coat and goes out. Come in here, cries in the tents of the wealthy. I’m so glad we’re.

===

Your wife’s compartmen unlocks the jewel case drops off the

===

Others envied. If my mistress does nothing that

===

In morality and profit and were kind to all creatures. Further into a work of a thousand lessons. In even arthur thought it would make him sick, and boulle sent to his soninlaw the sum of four thousand of a moment the evervictorious arjuna stringed.

===

Gain the full control over your drilling machine.

===

Walls of weakness will fall crushed by you new mighty manhood.

===

Make your King-Kong twice larger.

===

Ears with statistics proving that people today a feeling could be roused in her. Will had been is all! You do not doubt that! Tell me one word only with it, said rosamund or the malachite table. Been going on in this island, and i’ll put one.

<END>

82: “Pierced him with seventy propositions”: Sex Junk Emails – II

Prolongeed erectionn Click HERE

=====

A comfortable night except for his old enemy, abe protested. i ain’t said no abuse to the feller for joy, as i thought that one of my comrades wearily to his feet. All right, abe, he said. is the colouring. The interesting thing is.

=====

Hullo! My penis is not only longer and wider, but with a higher level of confidence I feel like a new manster python? That s what I ask myself now.

=====

New Orgasm Enhanceer

Of mighty arms, that three maidens, all unrivalled case that no single specimen was ever seen in displeasure against that leading step of defection, you think so.

=====

Be not afraid to vary and change the life, after all all becomes to the best

=====

Chin-chin!

=====

Negroes admire with the of the size – we will surpass them!

Hullo! Now that I ve tried Dr MaxMan, pulling down my pants is no longer my biggest worry. Will she be able to handle this my monster python? That s what I ask myself now.

=====

Chineses suffer from quantity, we enjoy quality

Ciao!

=====

New Orgasm Enhanccer

And, marking time with her flat foot, she chanted poison.and vivinsati, pierced him with seventy propositions and discussions of the day previous told me. We passed a house in process of building, is sent, not at home, when they are only too lazy.

=====

Be not afraid to vary and change the life, after all all becomes to the best

=====

Look air he appealed to heaven to witness that he was.

<END>

81: So There!

Corrections (Washington Post, 11 March 2009) verbatim:

“A March 4 Metro article about changes to the tax rate in Prince William County mischaracterized a comment made by County Executive Craig S. Gerhart. Gerhart was quoted as saying it would be “irresponsible” for the board to adopt the lowest tax rate from among the options supervisors were considering. In fact, he said it would be “irresponsible” for him to recommend that they adopt the lowest rate.”

70: Steve Jobs on Death

“In 2004, [Steve] Jobs received a diagnosis of pancreatic cancer and had surgery, which apparently was successful. He did not disclose the illness until a speech at Stanford University in 2005. “No one wants to die,” he said. “Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be because death is very likely the single best invention of life. It is life’s change agent.”  (Washington Post, 15 Jan. 2009, page A-1 continuation)

Death is the one big thing we know that other Earthly beings don’t. What is the one big thing we don’t know?

<END>

68: Big Mac Attack on Christmas Eve?

Verbatim from the Washington Post, Fairfax supplement, 15 January 2009:

The following incidents were reported by the Falls Church [Virginia] Police Department. For information, call 703-248-5056.

….

ASSAULTS

SPRING ST. N. AND PARK AVE., 1:32 p.m. Dec. 24. A person in a vehicle threw a cheeseburger at a person in another vehicle.

<END>


58: Award: Most Egregious ‘Nigerian Email’ Scam

goes to the following. Not content with the usual BS, this one, supposedly from the FBI Director, also inculpates the World Bank.

RE: BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION (FBI)

Tuesday, December 2, 2008 4:08 AM

From:

Anti Terrorist & Monitory Crime Division

Attention: fund beneficiary,

This is an official advice from the FBI Foreign Remittance Telegraphic Dept. It has come to our notice that the HSBC Bank Liverpool district district, has released 49,500,000.00 U.S. dollars into your account here in the United States of America, by ATM means. The Central Bank of Nigeria knowing fully well that they do not have enough facilities to effect this payment from United Kingdom to your account, used what is known as a secret diplomatic transit payment S.T.D.P. to pay this fund through ATM ,they used this means to complete the payment, and instead of paying 49.5 million, they paid $8,300,000.00.

They are still, waiting for confirmation from you on the already transferred funds which was converted to ATM so that they can do final crediting to your account. Secret diplomatic payments are not made unless the funds are related to terrorist activities why must your payment be made in secret transfer, if your transaction is legitimate, if you are not a terrorist, then why did you not receive the money directly into your account; this is a pure coded, means of payment? Records which we have had with this method of payment in the past has always been related to terrorist acts, we do not want you to get into trouble as soon as these funds reflect in your account in the U.S.A., so it is our duty as a word wide commission to correct this little problem before this fund is delivered.

Due to the increased difficulty and unnecessary scrutiny by the American authorities when funds come from outside of Europe, and the Middle East, the F.B.I Bank Comission for Europe has stopped the transfer on its way to deliver payment of $8,300, 000.00 to debit your reserve account and pay you through a secured diplomatic transit account (S.D.T.A.). We govern and oversee funds transfer for the World Bank and the rest of the world.

We advice you contact us immediately, as the funds have been stopped and are being held in our office here , until you can be able to provide us, (with the encoded F.B.I. order for transfer),we advice you present us with a diplomatic immunity seal of transfer within 3 days  from the bank where the funds were transferred from for us to certify that the funds that you are about to receive from Nigeria are antiterrorist / drug free or we shall have cause to cross and impound the name we have on the fund as the rightful beneficiary is your name that is why we have decided to contact you directly to acquire the proper verifications and proof from you to show that you are the rightful person to receive this fund, because the above mentioned amount is a big amount of money, that is why we want to make sure is a clear and legal money you are about to receive. Be informed that the fund have hit your account, but right now we have ask the bank not to release the fund to anybody that comes to them , unless so to this regards you are to reassure and prove to us that what you are about to receive is a clean money by sending to us FBI identification record and also certificate of ownership to satisfy to us that the money your about to receive is real money. You are to forward the documents to us immediately if you have it with in your possession, if you don’t have it let us know so that we will direct and inform you where to obtain the document and send to us so that we will ask the bank holding the funds the Bank of America to go ahead crediting your account immediately. This documents are to be issued to you from the place where the fund was transfer from, so get back to us immediately if you don’t have the document so that we will inform you the particular place and what it will takes to obtain it in Federal Republic of Nigeria, because we have come to realize that the fund is transferred from the Federal Republic of Nigeria.

Guarantee: funds will be released on confirmation of the document: documented proof of ownership.

Final instruction: 60f credit payment instruction: irrevocable credit guarantee

61e beneficiary has full power when validation is cleared

62 beneficiaries bank in U.S.A., can only release funds upon confirmation from the World Bank / United Nations.

64 bearers must clear bank protocol and validation request.

Note: we have asked for the above documents to make available the most complete and up-to date records possible for the enhancement of public safety, welfare and security of society while recognizing the importance of individual privacy rights. If you fail to provide the documents to us, we will charge you with the FBI and take our proper action against you for not proofing to us the legitimate of the fund you are about to receive.

The United States Department of Justice order 556-73 establishes rules and regulations for the subject of an FBI identification record to obtain a copy of his or her own record for review.

Regards

Robert S Mueller

Director FBI Washington

56: Junk Mail: Sir Henry’s Night of Pleeasure

Junk mail recently received (complete text):

Night of Pleeasure

Are you ready for Chrristmas night? Click here.)

I ate mine like a parting guest who was being gone home, free and independent, to look round or not. You must say it, said sir henry. Whatever barney with a grin. But come, it won’t pay to the charles nand campanule household is getting.

[END]

53: Junk Mail: The Penis of the King of France sur le table

The complete text of a piece of junk mail received recently:

Its workks!

Penis Ennlarge Patch WORKS!

With him. He carried that anger back to his own by a singular
coincidence the king of france had him now, but we will
sit down here and observe of cars, began to throw down all
the kings (that to his own ends by a secret of his own he
draws.

[END]

48: “The Fraud Stars” — a junk email

The following appeared in my inbox today, and probably in several million others as well:

Welcome  to Western Union
Send Money Worldwide
Address; St, Peter & PaulRoad Cotonou Benin Rep.
Attention Beneficiary ,

The Board of Federal Ministry of Finance Benin Republic are hereby to notify you of your payment inherited funds  after the meeting held on 18th of July 2008.  His  Excellence the PRESIDENT OF FEDERAL REPUBLIC OF BENIN  has Instructed this Department to send your funds through western union money transfer for easy receiveing of your inherinted funds without any further delay to avoid paying money to the fraud stars that is going on through Courier Company and fake bank in africa. Because we know that some bank and Courier Company have fall you in nigeria and other part of Africa. but is not going to happen again as long as you are going follow up the instruction.

[It goes on to the expected conclusion.]


18: “was prisoner?”: Found Poem – I

“was prisoner?” a found poem

Following is the complete unaltered text of a junk email sent to me and uncountable others in June of 2008. There are some memorable lines, and the whole shows the author (presumably a piece of software whose talents are being wasted on some hedge-fund application) to be worried, unsure. If it knows as much about the world as we do, no wonder! – TK

was prisoner? or No.

Not infrastructure by liability. his kirk In thorn. My no prominent. Of at mail. A the questionable telephony inhibited. Bachelor or dyslexia. As presumption so diminution. Of tier? A do surgical instill. I stakeholder Is focal. The worry. A in brains.

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Are uprising? is Go. With governing be vise. Of duet He ginger. Have at moral. As as vampire. A the arab structure freezer.

Arcade my radical.

At partnership? by Of. Is crossover at isn+t. Or cellar A kicks. it as forbid. He on sleep. My to rigid quiet doorstep. suffice or colt.

For nevertheless a radiant. Which enzyme? you the gravity satisfaction.

But requirement Of credit. was importance. by it imaginative. Are no financier injury trauma. bunny do coward. do bout, interstate go cloth.

With creative. Have of misunderstood, counselor. The conjoint rotary. I yoke is assembly occidental. Which as advances compensate energetic. anal an forty. indication finnish as approve. To on holder markup.

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in my an causation the antiquity. Of my test. you to punk deliverance parallelism. As is worth cataract indefinitely. harden to folly. cultivate of training courtyard. by calculus.

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his turnpike? To or ferry feminist. by divine An kelvin. As coin. Or my activity. Or in refusal tiger degrade. borrow it minimize. so mercer, longstanding to advertisement.

Not communist? And by volleyball rule. Not autism A capability. An races. An my couldn+t. The it grandfather performance hung.

recap as evening.

no basil, therefore my burgess.

you gram? To on favorite abundant. An sticker To streak. Have burglary. But as moot. At no zulu cosmopolitan undercut.

skin as rhythm. as trajectory, sugar an tycoon.

END